What is the best dating pace?
Is there an answer really for this question? I am sure if you go asking around you will get many different answers. What might be slow to someone might be the right pace and what might be fast to someone might be the opposite for another person entirely. Here is an analogy I can’t remember where I heard it from.
Naturally, it is men who make the first move. But anyone makes the first move nowadays, male or female. So whoever is making the first move, it’s like a business deal. Or let’s say a deal to get a car. Let’s say this person allocated 3 months to get the car. He/she will work really hard to make sure it happens within those 3 months. Maybe he/she has plans that everything has to go through accordingly. But things don’t always go the way we want them to. Now here comes the question, what if you are not able to acquire the car in the 3 months you allocated? Does the zeal you had towards getting it, go away? Or do you spend the money somewhere else? Or do you wait and maybe you might get a better car than you intended? Do you change your plans from 3 months to 6 months and will it be worth it?
Playing Hard to Get
All those questions, different people with have different answers. Someone has a goal of wooing someone in 3 months but the person they are after is playing hard to get. Or rather maybe is not into it the same way you are.
Is playing hard to get a good thing? And if so, to what extent? What if the guy/girl loses their zeal of going after you because the time they allocated is over? I’m thinking playing hard to get is a game. You have to be skilled in it to know how to play the game without pushing the other party too far and still holding their interest. He/she might choose to wait and maybe it will be worth it and get a Maserati instead of a Hyundai, who knows.
Take Your Time or Maximize the Time?
Patience is a virtue and also sometimes you might be wasting your time. Time wasted can never be recovered. So do you take your time to take things slow, get to know what you are getting into well or do you maximize the timeyou have not wastingany time and achieving what you wanted within the time frame you gave yourself?
Whichever you choose, you will be the one to deal with the consequences either good or bad. You might end up with the masserati or maybe not or maybe the hyundai or maybe you end up just wasting your time. But thats’s life.
So what is the best dating pace? Even I can’t really give you an answer. I think this depends entirely on the person. What their goal is, what they are working towards and what they want to achieve. I would like to hear your opinion about this. In the end, I don’t think there’s a specified formula like math.
Just food for thought.
Other work by Rackim,
My First Love: Part 1, full book available;
17 thoughts on “What Is the Best Dating Pace?”
I love learning about dating. I live I. A state thought that the dating pace is way to fast for me. People will know on the first date I’m like no thank you. However like you said everyone is different. Now I’m my opinion playing hard to get is childish and for children. I never got it why not just say you you feel? When it comes to dating it should be a fun prices because if you rush it then most likely get divorced. I find it important to take the pace and just have fun in life. Thank you
Yeah, the pace that works for someone is the pace they should take and not one dictated by someone else. Good point. When it comes to playing hard to get, that is a whole wide topic that will never end lol
Playing hard to get is nice and annoying at the same time. I remember when I was trying to get my current partner. She made me work for three months. I absolutely hated it but I also loved it at the same time. This meant that I would not lose her easily.
Seems like you have a story to tell. I’m sure sometimes you remember it all and start laughing lol
You are raising really great question on here. So many times myself, I was setting some timeframes for finding love. Where in trueness, you should let it all work out for itself, and maybe there will be this Gold Maserati at the end 🙂 But we all love to plan and put timeframes even on a magical thing like love.
What sort of timeframes do you normally set for yourself?
I honestly don’t have a time frame for this. I go with how I feel. If I’m not there yet, I don’t want to be rushed. I’ll take my time till I get there. If I feel like I’m there already then well and good.
I find your article on dating really interesting and love to learn about it. My brother recently became single after Marriage breakdown and needs to learn about dating and relationships and the expectations and timing etc. So I shall send him your article.
I like how you explain the dating pace and differing expectations between potential love interests. This makes a lot of sense. Did you write the entire book yourself?
Yeah, I did write the book myself. Hope you enjoy it.
It’s hard to know how long one should date as each couple is different. Some people move fast and others go slowly but although I’ve moved fast sometimes in the past I think that going slowly and getting to know each better well works better. Playing hard to get is something I never did and I think that it’s a waste of time and energy. Love and dating should be genuine and not a game. I’m looking forward to reading more about this.
I agree with you that love should not be a game. Playing around with someone’s feelings is not funny and it’s sad to see that love has been turned into a game.
OMG. I love this topic! In my experience, as a woman, chasing men has never worked. When I chased men, I didn’t value myself. Also, I think the natural order of things is that man pursues woman. It’s always been that way. I think men are biologically wired to chase women. Women are supposed to play coy. I know it sounds 1950-ish, but it works. I feel more secure in the relationship knowing that the guy worked hard to get me.. Great post.
I think dating is a waste of time, self love is more important. It’s best to just continuing to focus on yourself and keep growing in all areas -money, physique, etc. When you are in a happy place and feeling very good and have improved a lot, then it can be worth looking into starting dating. Before this time there is no point in my view.
Hi Rackim! I’ve been married 20 years now… But what I can say is that “hard to get” is really annoying, from my perspective at least. I never understood how would that help anyone, when one is, or plays, “hard to get”. For me it’s always been more like turn off thing. So don’t play hard to get. 🙂 Cheers!
I don’t think that there can be a set answer to your question because of our different personalities. With the benefit of hindsight, many of us have learned that even if the initial sparks are flying, it is better to take it slow to get to know each other better. Few people show their true color early on, and they sometimes present like an onion (an alalogy) with several layers needing to be peeled off before you know the real person they have tried to camoflage. Love should not be a game but ever so often you encounter those who think it is and play with the other party’s feelengs…….Just my thoughts
Playing with someone’s feelings is the cruelest and dangerous game but unfortunately, that’s how it is.
I would tend to agree with you that I think everyone needs to go at a pace that is comfortable for them. It really depends upon each situation or objective in the relationship. When two people really click, they’ll probably end up going at a similar pace. But if there’s games like playing hard to get going on, then the relationship is probably not going to work out anyway.
Unfortunately, men think women are the ones playing games and women think it is the men. So love continues as a game with each party playing and no one wants to compromise or meet the other party in the middle.