If you want to start with the first part, its available, My First Love; Part 1
Two days passed, three, four, five until I couldn’t take it anymore. I decided I had to talk to him or my efforts so far would have been for nothing. No matter the outcome of it all, I just had to do it and I did. It was on a Thursday night. I was so nervous and my hands were shaking a little as I typed a three-letter word.
“Hey.”I threw my phone across the bed and kept looking at it from afar as I waited for a response. It vibrated minutes later and excitedly but yet still nervous, took the phone to check the message. Imagine the disappointment I felt finding the text wasn’t from him. Frustrated, I held the phone close to my heart as I continued waiting. He was online, I could see he was. Not being able to sleep, I had to find a distraction as I waited.
I listened to my iPod while still holding my phone to my chest like it was some sort of treasure. Six hours later, very late in the night, I got a reply. Yes, I was still awake waiting by then.
“Hey, long time.” That’s what the text read.
Really? That is all you can say after a year? I thought to myself furiously as I stared at the screen trying to sort out my emotions. I thought another text was coming so I waited for around two minutes and nothing! Taking a deep breath and refraining myself from acting on my emotions, I texted back.
“Yeah, no kidding. How have you been?”
“I’ve been great and how about you?” He replied back.
I thought to myself that I was doing great and should just keep conversing and enjoy the moment. With every text from him, I felt so excited, my heart melted with joy and I tried to imagine that he was there with me and we were just conversing like old times. We talked about college, how he was doing, my life, his life, and nothing came up that inclined to feelings. I couldn’t bring that up until he asked me a question that got me thinking about many unexplained questions that only he had the answer to.
“Do you still talk to Ray?”
Asking that question out of the blues actually caught me off guard and I started to bargain whether, to tell the truth. I did not know what to expect or where he was heading to with the question.
“Yes once in a while. You guys are friends, aren’t you in touch?”
I threw the question back at him and he said something like he called last and Ray never responded.
“Doesn’t matter who calls or texts last between friends but I guess that is just me who thinks that way. I mean you for example, magically disappeared.” I couldn’t take it anymore and just let it out there.
I was going to say “You left me when I was going to ask you to Prom!”, but remembered he was not mine. I had imagined many ways to ask him but everything came crushing when I learned that he won’t be coming back for the next semester. I waited for his explanation and when he said he was busy juggling between school and work and can’t come back to me or even have time for himself, my heart ached. I was overwhelmed with the emotions that I did not text back. I crouched on my bed and listened to the song ‘Brighter’ by FM Pilots until I fell asleep.
Since I had made up my mind to confess and my mission was still pending, I continued the next day.
“Aren’t you even curious as to why I looked for you?” I started again.
“Of course I am, tell me!”
“I missed you,” I said still holding back but that was also very true.
“You always do that. C’mon, tell me.”
“It’s something I should have said back then when you were leaving and now I think it’s too late, it won’t make any difference.”
Yes, I was still stalling but that was also a fact. What could change even if I told him? We were living in different states and I was very sure the feeling wasn’t mutual.
“It might, how would you know if you haven’t even tried?”
My heart was racing as I started typing the words. I could hear the thudding in my ears.
“I liked you back then and just kept it in and I still do. I mean you were leaving and I just couldn’t.”
Love is a really complicated thing. There are no words to describe it and no description is ever really right or wrong. I finally said it! I told him I liked him and I was happy, not because he texted back to give me an answer but because I got it off my chest. I was feeling lighter and I could breathe freely again despite all the regrets I had.
“You could have told me, but you are right I was leaving. What do you say we stay as good friends for now? We live so far apart as it is.”
The only words that got to me were “for now”, the rest really didn’t matter to me. Those two words to me meant that there is still hope somewhere, that I would see him again someday.
I heard people clapping in the hall and that brought me back to my senses and I clapped along not knowing why we were doing so. All this time seated next to each other, we hadn’t really had a conversation let alone said a friendly “hello” to each other. I decided to be the first to do so and turned fully facing him. All I could do was open my mouth slightly but no words came out. Dressed in a black tuxedo that brought out his brown skin tone well, he still looked the same. Just as charming as always with his chocolate brown eyes that always drew me in with their warmth, his perfectly shaped nose, his hair which was neatly cut and combed, his lips pink and moist that I found myself thinking about how they would feel on mine.
( Feedback and comments are very much welcomed. I hope you enjoyed it and thank you for reading.)
The book My First love by Rackim is available now.